


Your Voice is my Favourite Sound

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, The Summary is more Dramatic than the Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 02:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14661720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He isn’t really a person someone would classify as insecure.But he’s only human.(In an industry saturated with criticisms, endless schedules and never a moment's rest, Donghyuck feels like there's a tsunami crashing against his chest and a storm raging inside his mind.)





	Your Voice is my Favourite Sound

**Author's Note:**

> im emo so here you go ;;;;

Donghyuck isn’t really a person someone would classify as insecure.

If anything, they would probably lean towards mouthy and headstrong. Donghyuck always say what he wanted to say, do what he wanted to do, and nothing could really stop him. He certainly has no qualms in spitting out biting words when he’s angry or giving out soothing comments when he’s concerned. He thinks before he speaks. Simple to say, Donghyuck isn’t really someone a person would peg as needing constant reassurance.

But he’s only human.

They’re days where Donghyuck would look in the mirror and wonder why anyone would call him handsome. Days where he feels, one day, his mouth would run him off any friends or fans he’s made. Days where all he wants to do is hide under his covers because he’s just too tired to be the _Haechan_ everyone seems to know and loved.

It’s hard to do so however when he’s in a band with seventeen other members, schedules rigorous and time limited. Every moment counted and as much as Donghyuck did want to wallow in his own little thoughts, sometimes, the situation doesn’t really let him. It’s not like he could throw a fit and strop off as well, that’d be too selfish of him. Not when there are other members vying for the spotlight, members that’d be more than happy to be in the position he is.

He knows that, he really does.

But he’s just _so_ exhausted.

And normally, he can deal with it. All it would take is for him to have some time to himself and just get over it and see a new day as a day to start over. But perhaps it’s because nothing went right today, but for some reason, Donghyuck feels at his breaking point.

He had woken up late with minutes to spare, and he’s only thankful he had packed his things the night before, otherwise, he undoubtedly wouldn’t have made it to his schedule on time, and probably would have gotten an earful afterwards.

The filming for a variety show had gone horribly, his jokes inconsistent, awkward pauses and hosts looking weirdly at him. It’s not a pleasant feeling having no one laugh at your jokes, even worse when someone does, and it sounds all but genuine. It helped a bit when Mark pulled him to one side after it ended and just hugged him, letting the younger almost sag at the touch of comfort as he stroked Donghyuck’s back. Mark’s always been warm and when he hugs Donghyuck, it makes him feel he’s snuggling under a duvet.

It’s funny how all he needs is the boy he loves to help him stay afloat just a little longer.

The practice was where it all went downhill.

 _Touch_ practice had been brutal, and he kept making mistakes, much to their dance instructor’s chagrin. “It’s a simply dance, Donghyuck. You have done far harder ones before” He had shook his head, and Donghyuck could do nothing but look away. “I’m disappointed.”

“Sorry, sir.” He had said, and maybe it hadn’t been his usually snarky replies that kept the older from saying more.

Practice went on, with Johnny who kept giving him worried glances afterwards and Mark who Donghyuck knew was looking at him, trying to get his attention. Donghyuck avoided his boyfriend however, because there was no doubt the older would have mouthed him some encouragement and the last thing Donghyuck wanted to do was tear up in the middle of dancing. The rest of the members helped too, subtly giving him pats on the back, Yuta even handing him some biscuit he always stored in his bag. All of their actions only made his insides constrict in guilt. They were all so worried about him, probably since he was the youngest in their unit and it was just something they had grown used to, doting on him. And usually, it’d make him happy to receive the member’s love. But today, it just strikes something in him, a stab within him at the idea that he might just be bringing the group down.

He tried not to make any more mistakes after that.

The whole debacle had happened two hours ago however. Yet Donghyuck doesn’t feel any different.

They’re back in the dorm now, with some of the members heading off to another schedule, Mark included. He declined the rest of the members’ offer to watch a movie, opting to head to his and Jaehyun’s shared room to lie down and stare at the ceiling instead. It’s bad of him to do so plausibly, since it allows all the negative thoughts to pile up in his mind, swirling around and prodding him with worries, insecurities and self-doubt. The whole nine yards.

Comparing is a no-no in being an idol, Taeil had once said to him, but Donghyuck can’t stop his brain really. Thinking how nice it would be to have a voice like Doyoung’s, a passion for dance he’s never seen before in people like Ten and Jisung. He brings his arm up to cover his eyes, smiling without any emotions. Would he have such doubts if he became more chill like Taeil? Or so blindingly positive like Chenle? Hard-working as Mark maybe?

Mark.

He sits up slowly, tilting his head and resting his chin on his hand, crossing his legs to let his mind run a bit more.

His boyfriend, Mark Lee.

“My boyfriend.” He whispers to the empty room, watching the curtains softly flutter around, the light from the streetlamps luminating the otherwise dim room. He doesn’t know why he says it, just liking how the word sounds. Something about his boyfriend always calms him, even if it’s just by a little.

He’s happy he achieved his dream in being a singer, but he found a different sort of happiness when him and Mark first got together. How the older’s smile always seem a little different, a little more fond when it’s directed at him. He tends to bring out the best in Donghyuck, make him a better person.

He wonders what he brings to the relationship.

Donghyuck’s smile fades away, perhaps he doesn’t.

Swinging his legs over, he gets up, slowly padding to the mirror centred near his closet in the corner. Staring at his reflection, he leans in close, inspecting his face.

“It’s the moles.” He starts, trailing his hand over the black dots mapping his face. Donghyuck usually doesn’t mind it but today, he finds them ugly. Like it mars his skin and ruins his profile. He wants clear skin, beautiful, pretty skin so he looks perfect. Or at least, one step closer to perfection. “I should get surgery to remove it. Maybe.”

His eyes get drawn to the shape of it next. “Bigger eyes.” He continues, stretching it wide and peering into his reflection. “I need to look more doe-eyed. Maybe my members will find me more cute than irritating then.”

“What am I doing?” He mutters to himself, “It’s not the physical appearance, is it?”

He squats down, resting his head on his knees and hugging his arms around it. “Am I too annoying?” He watches his image, almost anticipating it to say something back. “I am, aren’t I? I get on the members’ nerve, I talk back to them, the list goes on.”

Donghyuck fiddles with his fingers, shrinking even smaller. His shoulder slouches. “I should stop being so demanding. No one likes a bossy person, especially not Mark.” There had been a few incidents where he and the older boy had arguments, nothing too big but constant enough for the younger to pick up on it.

He rubs his eyes, senses it prickling. “Tactless. So, so, tactless.” He thinks back to the times when he had hurt his members’ feelings, words out too soon to consider the consequences.

“What am I so confident for?” Donghyuck stares into the mirror, fists clenching as he bores into it, unblinkingly. “What have I got going, honestly?”

“Everything.” A voice echoes in the room and it shocks Donghyuck, letting him stumble his balance from where he’s crouching and fall on his bum, hands laying flat on the ground. He doesn’t even need to turn around because _fuck,_ he knows that voice. Knows it like the back of his hand. “There’s so much you have that you don’t seem to see, Hyuck.”

He slowly moves around, peering up at Mark who is leaning against the door frame, face expressionless. “I don’t.”

“What makes you think that?” The older asks, striding until he’s in front of Donghyuck. He settles on the floor, sitting with his legs splayed out and looking at Donghyuck, waiting for an answer.

Donghyuck hesitates for a bit, stuck between blurting all his feelings and shutting them away. It's Mark's earnest look that has him recite his thoughts from before. “I’m annoying, bossy and tactless. I have dirt scattered on my face and eyes that are too small. I don’t like the sound of my voice sometimes and I hate that I keep fucking up everything. I don’t know why people seem to laugh at my jokes sometimes, and how they haven’t punched me yet because I probably would have done it to myself if someone said half the things I have said to you and the others. People tell me to improve, to go above my negativity. But how can I better myself when there’s nothing _to_ better?” He rushes it all out in one breath, face gradually turning red in frustration and hands gripping tightly on his thighs. His view of the ground is just a little blurry and he can’t bring himself up to look at Mark, too ashamed to do anything but observe the floor in newfound interest.

There’s fingers touching his chins, forcing him to look up and spot the array of emotions that drown in the older’s face. And Donghyuck wonders for the nth time, what he did to deserve Mark.

“You’re not annoying, not at all. How the hell can someone be annoying if they light up the whole room? It’s not called being bossy, it’s called knowing what you want. It’s not like you haven’t conceded before. Plus, who cares if you are a little bossy? Would you rather be a wet rag that has no opinions for themselves? Tactless? Just because you think you said things you regret? Everyone does that. Tell me now if there isn’t a single person that has hurt you before as well?” Donghyuck stays silent. “Exactly.”

Mark grasps Donghyuck’s ankles and pulls him forward, until Donghyuck has his legs on both side of Mark’s waist, thighs resting on top of Mark's and position a lot closer suddenly. A lot more intimate. “You are endlessly kind, Hyuck. I remember when you stayed up late helping Renjun finish learning the choreography. How you were the first one to console Chenle when he began missing home. They’re sides to you, your passion in learning to dance and sing, your enthusiasm even when it’s 8 in the evening and no one has any energy left.”

He trails along Donghyuck’s face, the same way he had done earlier. This time however, it’s with more gentleness and care. “Your moles aren’t dirt, Donghyuck. They’re constellations. Did you know, I saw a tweet, and someone said it looked like the constellation, Ursa Minor? _Little Bear."_ Mark grins, tracking the shape of it. "They make you unique and they make you, _you_. I wouldn’t have you any other way, Hyuck.”

He pinches Donghyuck’s cheek, a stern look on his face. “And what’s wrong with your eyes? They’re lovely, the crease of it, the little scar on top of the left one and how they seem to express what you’re feeling without any words needed.”

“I don’t like the sound of my voice.” Donghyuck butts in, heart already calming but mind still not being done with shouting all things he feels wrong.

Mark scoffs, “I listen to your singing covers at least once a day. Like, you don’t understand how your voice is a sound I could listen to forever, Donghyuck. I love it, the soft tone, the little tilt that sounds like bells ringing. The way you smash every single one of your lines in our songs.” He finishes, smirking and adding on, “The way you whine when you want your kisses.”

Donghyuck smacks Mark’s chest and he already feels the smile on his face being sincere for the first time today. “I keep making mistakes.”

“And I don’t?” Mark questions back. “And Taeyong doesn’t? Johnny? Taeil? Everyone makes mistakes and people just tend to have worse days then others sometimes. It’s normal. You’re not a robot, Hyuck.”

He fiddles with the strings of Mark’s hoodie. “I’m too much to handle.”

“I don’t get what you mean by ‘too much’.” Mark laughs. “I didn’t ask you out, so I can go out with a stone, Donghyuck. You’re feisty and that’s just a personality trait of yours, one I come to love and adore.”

Donghyuck stills. Mark talking about asking him out reminds him of something. It’s a soft whisper that Mark’s barely able to make out. “I don’t think I’m a good boyfriend.”

It's muted for a few beats.

Then, there’s a gruff in Mark’s voice when he answers, almost in a rush to say what he wants to. “You can’t say I’m a good boyfriend and you’re a bad one, Donghyuck, because what even is a good boyfriend? Someone funny? Well, some people don’t care about that. Someone kind? Judging by the amount of bad boy tropes that are out there, I don’t think it’s the biggest priority in peoples’ mind. You can’t define a ‘good’ boyfriend to a single thing, Donghyuck. To me, you’re the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. You make me smile, you make me feel like I’m on top of the world, you make me look forward to each day. You might not be that person to someone, but to me, you mean the whole world.”

He plays with Donghyuck’s hair. “A good boyfriend varies from person to person, as long as they have a respect for each other. You can’t say to yourself you’re not good because to me, the person you’re in a relationship with, I think you’re worth it. You care for me, the same way I do for you. I love you and I know you love me" He stares at Donghyuck. "Isn't that enough sometimes?”

Donghyuck finds he can't say anything to that.

He doesn’t do anything for a moment, surging forward only once he can feel his body being able to move from the previous shock. He envelopes Mark in a hug, one Mark returns just as eager. There’s so much going through him; the feeling of being in love, a sigh of relief, the tenderness he gets from hugging Mark. With each speech Mark had given out, Donghyuck could feel the worries ebbing away, maybe not forever but at least enough to make it disappear today.

“Thank you.” He imparts, head moving slightly to place a small kiss on the older’s neck.

Mark releases their hug, grinning at Donghyuck and returning his kiss with a peck on Donghyuck’s lips. “There’s no need to thank me. My boyfriend is feeling down, of course I’ll do anything to make him feel better.”

Donghyuck giggles, hands clasping around one of Mark’s and playing with his fingers, loving how just like Mark’s hug, it’s warm.

“Just promise me.” Mark appeals, shifting Donghyuck's attention from Mark's fingers back onto him, “Promise me you’ll tell me next time you feel this way.” He looks at Donghyuck so gently, so tenderly. Donghyuck hopes he’s looking at him the same way. “You mean everything to me, Donghyuck. So please don’t try to face the world alone, not when you have me by your side.”

Donghyuck knows the answer already. It’ll be hard, but for Mark, he’ll try his damn best.

“I promise.”

They reach over at the same time, Donghyuck placing his lips over Mark’s. There’s raw emotions charged and Donghyuck feels the kiss like it’s the very first time, full of love for the rapper, nothing but bliss. Their mouths slot together like it belongs to each other only and Donghyuck wonders if it’s an addiction at this point. He can’t seem to get enough of Mark, his kisses, his attention, his devotion.

It's when they're done making out however, that Donghyuck realises where they're sitting.

“My bum is getting numb.” He pouts, complaining with a whiny tone he knows Mark’s weak for.

It makes the elder chuckle. “I suggest we move to the bed for some cuddles.”

Donghyuck grins. “You know the way to a man’s heart.”

And Donghyuck might still have worries in future, thoughts he can’t escape from when the limelight gets all too much and he feels like he’s drowning amongst the sea of responsibilities and expectations. He knows he’ll have moments like this, where he sees nothing good about him and feel like his head’s about to explode with the doubts and insecurities.

But he’ll make it out okay.

Mark looks back, smiling at him.

After all, he has a boy he loves right beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> That might be the most angstiest thing I can ever write lmao I can only do soft!!!!


End file.
